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Niko, like me, grows hair and nails super fast. So we trim his nails frequently or else he claws us up, and we cut his hair and then like two days later he looks like wolves have been raising him. He was fretting over being “chupo chupovee” (a hairy man) recently and kept asking for a haircut. At one point I went into the bathroom and someone had removed the bathmat (draping it over the garbage can in the kitchen) and put Niko’s little pink chair in the middle of the floor. WHO COULD HAVE DONE THAT. Why, Niko, of course! Preparing for his haircut. So Nesko finally took him in there and trimmed his hair. I tried to slip in there to use the toilet and the floor was entirely covered in hair and Niko was shirtless and I pretty much had a glimpse of what he will look like when he is 40: a dude with a hair sweater. It’s your destiny, dude. Sorry. Or maybe you’ll like being super hairy and bask in the glory of never being fully naked even when unclothed, I don’t know.

Nesko’s gotten pretty good at cutting Niko’s hair, but the problem remains that Niko has my hairline. Namely, his hairline almost reaches his eyebrows near the temples. It’s the opposite of Nesko’s hairline, which is very high up, giving him a smooth high intelligent looking forehead, as opposed to my brutish almost Neanderthal look. It’s like I married a dolphin, y’all. And Niko very obviously takes after me. I expect his unibrow will start coming in when he’s 12 or so.

Anyway, he’s all groomed now and looks like a tiny human and not a feral beast child, so that’s a great change. Unfortunately, he’s still acting like a feral beast child roughly half the time. It’s less than ideal.

Niko’s been requesting a haircut is a post from: Now Showing! Please stop by and leave a comment! If you like my baby blog, please check out my other blog as well.

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A few weeks ago we were at Target and I told Nesko to buy a shelf to go over the key hooks by the front door to hold his wallet, comb, coins, receipts, knife, and other pocket stuff that tends to get scattered around OR clutter up the dining room table. He picked up a 3-pack of different sized shelves, figuring the other shelves could go someplace else. We got home, just the two of us, Niko at Baba’s and Djedo’s, and he put the shelf up. We decided to put the other two shelves up in Niko’s room, next to his bed. We put one right next to his bed to hold his night time cup of water, and the other slightly above to hold his dried gourd, little metal cars, books, or whatever else he wanted. We did some other things around the house and then got ready to visit some family members for their Slava. We swung by to pick up Niko and told him there was a surprise at home. He was upset with us, reminded us that we were going someplace else and NOT HOME, IT WAS NOT TIME TO GO HOME YET and we said yes yes yes but when we DO get home there’s a surprise!

We had a really good time at the Slava and as usual headed home much later than we should have. We hauled Niko into his bedroom to show him the shelves. Surprise, we said! He looked around. Aw hey, shelves! Neat! So… what’s the surprise? The shelves, we said. That’s the surprise. Surprise! Shelves!

This was not good enough.

He insisted that it was NOT a surprise and he’d SHOW US the surprise. He told us to follow him while he lead us to the surprise and he stomped into the living room. There was no fantastic train set or pile of pirate gold or mountain of pie or whatever the hell he was expecting and he just collapsed emotionally. Nesko wrangled him into bed, showed him how he could put his water on the little shelf and pointed out how his gourd was safe on the bigger shelf, etc.

By the next morning, Niko cheerfully informed us that Clover (one of his stuffed animals) really liked the shelves. When pressed, he admitted that he liked them also.

But there was a problem.

There’s always a problem, right?

The lower shelf was lose. It turned out there was something inside the wall (a small brick chimney? A vein of lead? WHO CAN SAY) that could not be drilled into, so the shelf could not be securely attached to the wall with screws and anchors. So Nesko busted out the command strips and velcroed the fucker to the wall.

He and I both had talks with Niko about not pulling on the shelves or climbing on the shelves, etc. Niko, at one point, was eager to tell me how tata had fixed the smaller shelf and ripped it off the wall with a flourish TADA! and I had another talk with him about Not Doing That.

And all was pretty quiet, you know? Putting his water on the little shelf became part of his bedtime routine. He put different treasures on the big shelf. All of his rocks and the gourd and his favorite sticks, or a bunch of books he was fond of, or a selection of his favorite cars, or one single wooden train engine. They were just shelves, a part of his life, a part of his bedroom.

And then I put him down for a nap today.

Internet, I was so ready for him to take a nap.

In between trying to Do All The Things (including laundry, cleaning the bathroom, washing dishes, making bread, making lasagna, cleaning the dining room, sorting through junk to donate/discard it, moving furniture, sorting paperwork, etc) I also had to clean crushed raspberries off of wooden tracks and the wheels/undercarriage of trains; move the (not hooked up) laser printer up high so nobody could shove toys into it; check the VCR for DVDs; rescue a piece of religious jewelry; refill his cup with water that was EXACTLY THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE; put away the finger paints; AND MORE. Niko’s usually good about playing calmly, absorbed in what he’s doing, checking on me from time to time but otherwise happy. NOT TODAY.

So I finally wrangle him into bed, get him settled, and leave. This takes over an hour. There is much fake crying.

About fifteen minutes later I hear a clatter, a thump, and what might be a small child whimpering. So of course I head quickly toward Niko’s room. It’s really quiet so at first I think it was the upstairs neighbors but then I think IT’S TOO QUIET so I peek into his room. Niko’s burried under the covers, lying perfectly still, the smell of baby powder thick in the air, the shelves ripped off the wall.

What the ever loving hell.

One of those shelves was attached to he wall with screws and anchors and he just ripped it right out. Everything that had been on the shelves was on the floor. Where did the baby powder come from? Why did he feel the need to dump it liberally all over the place? Why do I bother asking these questions?

I confiscated the shelves.

I’m done.

I’m ready for bed. Or a Tom Collins and a trashy movie.

One or the other.

I’m done parenting for the day. DONE. is a post from: Now Showing! Please stop by and leave a comment! If you like my baby blog, please check out my other blog as well.

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One of Niko’s favorite books right now is this coffee-table like book that’s full of photos of Chicago. It’s about fifteen years old, so there’s some photos of Marshall Field’s, and the Carson Pirie Scott building isn’t a Target, etc. Niko likes to look at the buildings and Nesko and I talk to him about what buildings we’ve been in, and he likes to look at the skylines and try to find CTA trains and buses.

We drove down to visit my parents and their dogs yesterday, and on our way back we detoured through downtown Chicago. It was night and the buildings were all lit up, and Niko could pick out the John Hancock building and the Sears Tower (fuck you, “Willis”) and looked for the CNA building but couldn’t see it. He kept enthusing “Oh, oh! This is just like my Chicago book! This is just like being in my Chicago book!” so that was really cool. And now we have a list of places he wants to walk around and visit when it’s warmer, including the Buckingham Fountain and having a picnic on the green grounds outside of the Shedd Aquarium, and going on a boat tour on the river.

We had plans to go to the Aquarium or the Museum of Science and Industry today (some glorious angel gave us a family membership to it) but it’s cold as hell out, two of us are recovering from illness and one of us is tiptoeing in illnesses direction, etc so we’re staying in and spending some family time together instead.

Six and Three is Nine, Nine and Nine is Eighteen.. is a post from: Now Showing! Please stop by and leave a comment! If you like my baby blog, please check out my other blog as well.

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The past few days Niko’s been really on edge. You know the drill, sleeping poorly and flying off the handle at the smallest inconvenience, being super clingy, wanting to sleep with us, etc. It came to a head yesterday when he got more and more listless and eventually just curled up on his little pink Little Tykes plastic chair, swaddled in blankets, resting his head on the table. He’d only picked at his lunch. I asked him if he’d like to sit on the couch with me. “I wish I could, but I just can’t.” I picked him up and carried him to the couch and took his temperature. 100*. Funtimes.

He lay limply on the couch until nap time, volunteered to lie down, snuggled into bed with his hands folded under his cheek like a Victorian illustration of ideal childhood innocence, and only wanted one story. Then he slept for four hours. He awake mewling piteously for his tata but didn’t really object furiously to my presence. He sacked out on the couch and nursed his 99.9* fever and sipped orange juice. When Nesko came home, Niko ordered him to “go into your bedroom and put on comfy pants!” and then sat on Nesko’s lap on the couch for most of the evening. He didn’t eat much dinner, including the special chocolate cookie Nesko brought him. He didn’t even object much when Nesko trimmed his fingernails.

He went down with no struggle.

He joined us in bed during the tiny hours of the morning, settled right in, and for once did not thrash around and kick and pull hair. He just snuggled and slept. Nesko’s alarm went off and woke him up and Niko got out of bed to give Nesko a hug. Nesko asked Niko if he wanted to snuggle back into bed with me and Niko said no, he wanted to snuggle into his OWN bed. He slept until about 9, and I luxuriated and dozed (already busting up a minor resolution to improve my sleep habits by going to bed earlier and getting up at the same time every day OH WELL). I got up when I heard Niko go into the bathroom.

He was bright and cheerful. And hungry.

“I’m hungry!” he said. I asked him what he was hungry for. “I am hungry for everything! I’m hungry for everything on the earth.” Only he says “earth” like “erff.” I started cutting him up an apple while he told me about his morning.

“I went back to sleep and then I woke up while you were asleep. I said “oh, what a great morning to be awake!” and then I opened up my window.” By which he means he climbs onto the radiator in front of his window (which is off, we have central heat), perches there until he feels steady, then slowly stands up and grasps the cord of his mini blinds and raises them. Then he gingerly turns around, surveys the floor, and scoots down until he’s off the radiator. So he was basically doing mini mountain climbing.) He also told me that Nesko fixed his shelf, which is a recent addition to his room and which wasn’t firmly attached because there’s apparently something big and hard inside the wall. Nesko wound up affixing the shelf to the wall with command strip hook and loop tabs (it is a very small shelf) and Niko pulled the shelf off the wall WITH! A! FLOURISH! because he’s a consummate showman. He prattled on about his day and made his breakfast selections and when I took his temperature it was normal.

He’s eaten about half his breakfast and is now claiming to be full, which is slightly less than he eats on a good day. He’s making a “house” out of our big coffee table and burnt orange velvet chair and various blankets and stuffed animals, is pretty cheerful, but is also getting frustrated really quickly and his temperature’s back up to 99*. We’ll see how the rest of the day goes. He’s singing right now, and moving furniture around, which is a good sign but he’s also pausing to freak out that I won’t move his giant plastic slide over by the coffee table house so he can use it as a door, even though that would mean trapping me on the couch unable to get up. Which wouldn’t be the end of the world, really, oh no! Can’t get off the couch! But I made same bad dietary decisions last night and need access to the bathroom this morning. Oh cheese cake, why don’t you love me as much as I love you?

COFFEE TABLE HOUSE UPDATE:
He’s using his little pink chair and a cardboard box as his door, and installing them some plastic tools his djedo got him. “I just realized! I didn’t install them yet! With my fake tools! I need to screw in the screws! That’s all I needed, my screw driver and my hammer!” Aw, bless. He’s eating more breakfast under the table, crunching away in privacy. “I’m eating inside my little house under the table!”

Sick Kids is a post from: Now Showing! Please stop by and leave a comment! If you like my baby blog, please check out my other blog as well.

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Are you familiar with Candle Cove, that brilliant bit of horror by Kris Straub? It’s a relatively short piece of fiction in the format of an internet forum dedicated to old tv shows. Some users reminisce about a horrific low budget kids show called “Candle Cove” that was pure nightmare fuel in the most literal sense possible. It’s atmospheric and creepy in the best possible way, the unease and horror build slowly.

Skyshale033
Subject: Re: Candle Cove local kid’s show?
Ugh mike, I got a chill reading that. Yes I remember. That’s what the ship always told Percy when there was a spooky place he had to go in, like a cave or a dark room where the treasure was. And the camera would push in on Laughingstock’s face with each pause. YOU HAVE… TO GO… INSIDE. With his two eyes askew and that flopping foam jaw and the fishing line that opened and closed it. Ugh. It just looked so cheap and awful.

You guys remember the villain? He had a face that was just a handlebar mustache above really tall, narrow teeth.

“YOU HAVE… TO GO… INSIDE.”

Niko frequently creeps me out. FOR INSTANCE, there was the time he stared solemnly up at the sky and then told me “there is a storm coming and we will never see the day again” or the time he informed me that he ate the sun and we would thus be in eternal night.

Today he stood in the middle of the living room and intoned in his spookiest voice “YOU HAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE… TO GO… INSIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE” while waving his arms ritually, a blank look on his face. He crawled under the coffee table. “YOU HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE… TO GO… INSIIIIIIIIDE… THE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE.”

JESUS GOD.

And then he started talking about picking up a cargo load of coal and making chugging and puffing noise because he was a train.

I mean, talk about your Occam’s Razor moments, right? The most obvious solution is the correct one. He’s never heard of Candle Cove, but he HAS read/watched a lot of stories about trains going into dark, spooky caves. Also he seems to delight in fucking with me and being creepy on purpose. <3

I told Nesko about this and he said “Well, we’re going to have to leave the television on AT ALL TIMES NOW so he can’t find any static to watch.”

<3 <3 <3

What’s the creepiest thing YOUR kids do? What have you done that royally creeped out someone else, all unintentionally?

Oh HELL no: my kid is super creepy again is a post from: Now Showing! Please stop by and leave a comment! If you like my baby blog, please check out my other blog as well.

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I tried to put Niko down around his regular time and he was riled up and fussy and kept popping out of bed and wanting just one more thing etc. His negative behavior ramped up until I was standing outside his door returning him repeatedly to bed as he escalated his screams. He begged me to stay with him, said he needed me, begged me to let him sleep “in the big bed” (our bed) etc. He finally insisted that he needed to tell me something and I relented.

“Don’t get lost!” he begged me.

“What.” I said.

“Don’t go into the woods and get lost!”

We discussed how I wasn’t going to go into the woods, I wasn’t going to get lost, I wasn’t going to sneak out in the middle of the night while he was sleeping, I wasn’t going to run off with wolves or get eaten by wolves, I wasn’t going to get hugged by a hug wolf and turn into a hug wolf and go on a hug wolf rampage. I wasn’t going to leave him.

“Are you going to die like the seal’s mama did?”

Mother.

Fucking.

Caillou.

I don’t normally let Niko watch “Caillou” because the protagonist’s whiny voice is irritating and I don’t want to model that tone, or negative bullshit behavior, for Niko. But yesterday I was elbow deep in sprtiz cookie dough and using a new press I wasn’t as familiar with so I was having some few problems and hiking out to the living room to change the channel wasn’t at the top of my priorities. It apparently should have been, as an otherwise innocuous trip to the zoo involved meeting a baby seal who’s mama died so it was being hand reared. And apparently that concept soaked in Niko’s brain for awhile only to surface tonight in a fit of terror and screams and neediness.

So I hugged Niko and kissed him and promised him that I would never die. I would never leave him. What if I get sick? I’m not going to get sick. What if I get hurt? I’m not going to get hurt. What if I get old? I’m not going to get old. I’m never going to die, I’m never going to get old, and I’m never going to leave.

These are promises I can’t back up.

I have no way of keeping these promises.

And it was utterly useless to try and soft shoe around the issue, to make vague claims that I simply would never leave, that I would always love him. No. He wanted the full deal, the full promise.

I will never die.

I will never age.

Jesus, I can’t keep that promise and it’s tearing me up.

The Night I Promised I Would Never Die is a post from: Now Showing! Please stop by and leave a comment! If you like my baby blog, please check out my other blog as well.

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We visited Nesko’s parents last night, Baba and Djedo, which Niko always loves. It was a chill, pleasant evening but (as usual) we didn’t get home until very late. Niko was super excited about Santa, of course, and he helped Nesko hang the stockings (with care) and he selected cookies for Santa and carried them carefully (with both hands!) to the fireplace. It took him awhile before he found the very best spot to leave them, but Santa found them with no problem and had a lovely nosh.

We ordered a copy of “The Night Before Christmas” which arrived, fittingly, on Christmas Eve. Nesko read it to Niko (and I read it again today before nap time) and Santa came while Niko snoozed. He brought 2 Rudolph coloring books, an alphabet work book with wipe-off pages, a pack of dry erase markers for the alphabet book (convenient! thoughtful!), warm slippers, a batman hat and mittens, a big plastic Diplodocus, some glow in the dark bracelets which were a big hit last year, and 3 freight cars with removable freight (cable spools, bricks, wooden crates) that his magnet crane can pick up and move around. Also candy, nuts, etc. Niko got a little over whelmed by all the loot and everything was “what I always wanted!!”

We’re going to open presents on Bozic on January 7th. We’re planning on getting him some CTA brownline trains, some more wooden track and some bridge supports, and a copy of the book “the Polar Express” since he is currently IN LOVE WITH the movie and will start talking about it at a moment’s notice. Or even without any notice at all. I kind of really dislike the movie, and not for the reasons everyone else does. I don’t care so much about the uncanny valley aspect of it. They tried something new, they pushed some boundaries, it is what it is. No, it’s a nightmarish and horrifying movie complete with verbal abuse, abandonment, danger, terrifying threatening hobos, and evil clown dolls. I guess one could say it harkens back to Christmases of yore and scary stories around the fire, but frankly it gives me the heebie jeebies.

Nesko worked early yesterday and late today, so we got to spend Christmas Even and Morning together, which was nice and cozy. We had a leisurely morning with sweet rolls and coffee and wide eyed Niko delight and it snowed for even more delight and fun, and now Niko is asleep. I predict some leisurely train games this evening, dinner, and an early bed time since he’s been up pretty late pretty regularly lately. All in all it’s been a pleasant Christmas.

How have things been for you?

Santa Came! is a post from: Now Showing! Please stop by and leave a comment! If you like my baby blog, please check out my other blog as well.

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We have a mantel.

Don’t get all excited. We have a non-functioning fireplace and the mantel is a catch-all for junk. Like a junk drawer, but all out in the open where anyone can see it. Also there’s some photo albums, a porcelain “Rose Of Tralee” statue from the Franklin Mint, only slightly chipped, and a massive pile of guitar song books. And dust.

There’s also two houseplants.

I was cleaning off the mantel today in preparation for INCOMING CHRISTMAS and I moved one of the two small watering cans into the kitchen. This, as it turned out, was a mistake.

When Niko dragged his little stepstool over to the mantel, watering can in hand, and informed me that he was going to water the plants I chuckled indulgently and assumed it was all just pretend.

HA!

HA HA!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

No. He’d put water in the little plastic watering can. And, while trying to water plants that were above his head, he poured all the water onto the floor behind him.

The hardwood floor. Which is about 100 years old.

OH!, I said as the water pattered musically onto the floor.

Then we cleaned it up together.

This poor floor.

IN MORE DISGUSTING NEWS, my child has really bad gas and also has figured out how to blame other people for it. He’s got a whole list of individuals to blame, which includes his stuffed animals. His current favorite fallguy is a red dog known as Red Dog. “But it’s ok, Red Dog doesn’t have to poop. That was just a just because toot. He keeps them in his butt. His butt is attached to his leg. Sometimes he poops on his leg like a cow all over the floor.” He’s still obsessed with cows and their torrential craps.

Well, that ended poorly. is a post from: Now Showing! Please stop by and leave a comment! If you like my baby blog, please check out my other blog as well.

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