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The Blatherings Of A Blitherer

Oh, so that’s why. Ok.


For those of you who haven’t been following along closely, I had a C-Section on March 16th. It was pretty normal and boring and run of the mill, and recovery has been tedious and infuriating but really, it’s been normal and boring and run of the mill. For the most part. I started hormonal birth control 2 weeks ago instead of waiting for my menstrual cycle to resume because really, who could say when I was going to start again? Hormones! So mysterious! So I just jumped right into the pack of pills.

Two weeks into them and I have my period.

GOOD JOB UTERUS. Nice to know we’re all on the same page.

Also, thanks so much for starting on Mother’s Day. I’d punch you if that wouldn’t be a spectacularly bad idea.

Anyway! I have cramps. This is pretty normal for me except for one thing.

I can feel where they sliced into and then stitched up my uterus.

Everywhere else is kind of “ho hum cramp cramp cramp ow cramp whatevs” but in the front? It’s like I’m being stabbed. Sort of. Or being touched with a length of hot wire.

How bad is it? So bad that advil and ibuprofin don’t touch the pain, and I took some vicodin.

I’m also feeling tired and out of it which, again, is pretty normal for when I have my period. Except! I talked to my mom and told her I had an owie and she was all “OH NO MAYBE YOU ARE BLEEDING INTERNALLY GO LOOK AT THE INSIDE OF YOUR EYELIDS.”

Outwardly, I was all “Maaaan, I’m not bleeding internally, I just have my period and some excruciating pain. Major abdominal surgery! Remember?” Inwardly, however, I was all “OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD HOLY FUCK I AM BLEEDING INTERNALLY I AM GOING TO DIE WHAT THE FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOO.” and taking constant stock of just how tired and shaky and out of it I felt.

Then I ate some dinner and felt better.

In short, there is a reason I’m a nerve-wracked hypochondriac who always assumes the worst, and that reason is named Gretchen and gave birth to me.

posted under baby, body issues

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