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The Blatherings Of A Blitherer

In which I make a joke, then get all gross on you.


Nesko watched “Captain America” the other day while I read a book, looking up only to comment on how crappy tiny-Steve-Rogers looked when standing/sitting next to a non-digitally altered person (because I am a jerk like that, but seriously, when they were in the taxi? He looked like a freakish child with a faintly blurred outline. WHAT. HOW. WHY. Fucking Darby O’Gill And The Little People did this better!) Anyway, at the end there’s an ad for the Avengers movie that’s coming out and Thor and Tony Stark were chillin’ and I’m all… you know, they probably have a special Avengers staff person whose entire job is to follow those two around and clean up their drunken messes. Stark’s a fun times alcoholic who could TOTALLY stop ANY TIME HE WANTED TO whoop just gonna go pee in this plant HA HA HA HA HA! FUN! BOOZE IS SO GREAT! And Thor is… a viking God. While we haven’t SEEN him wrestle pigs (yet) you know he’s gonna go there. Shining beacons of humanity, both of them! Actually, my very first thought was “Wow, what a sausage fest!”

Anyway, I’m putting the rest of this behind a cut because I’m going to talk about bugs and anxiety dreams now and I know that’s going to bother some of you.


Our apartment building was built probably in the 1930s. When we moved in, there was a SERIOUS roach infestation. We emptied out and scrubbed the place, bombed the apartment and the basement (we’re on the first floor) on two separate occasions, put out different poisons which we replenish frequently, and try to keep food sealed up and counters and floors clean. While the roach situation is NOWHERE NEAR as bad as it was, we still see roaches, including wandering around in areas far from the kitchen. I was sitting at my computer once, felt a tickle on my leg, looked down, and there was a roach nymph crawling on me.

I didn’t have a bug phobia before living here, and we’ve lived places where there have been roaches. I mean, it’s an apartment in the city. There’s GOING to be roaches. But seeing a roach in your sink once or twice a year is way different, and less disgusting than what we have. I loathe opening our cabinet doors because will there be a roach? Who can say! Maybe I’ll open our flatware drawer and there will be a roach chillin’ on the forks! Maybe they’re nesting under our kitchen towels! Or vacationing in the freezer! (I guess they crawl in through the motor or something? NO IDEA.) I cringe at the thought of moving our stove out to clean under it, or moving the microwave. I have anxiety dreams about roaches crawling all over me.

And, honestly, the roach situation isn’t as bad in reality as it is in my head. We see a roach maybe once a month. I think part of the problem, seriously and really, is that once or twice we’ve brought roaches BACK into the house after shopping at a specific store. But it still freaks me out.

Nesko painted the ceiling and the top of the walls in the kitchen recently, a hugely refreshing change since we haven’t painted the kitchen yet and the eggshell grey/beige/dark neutral walls and once-white ceiling were dirty (despite us cleaning them more than once) and covered in a film of grease from the previous tenants and their habit of frying stuff all the time. Nesko took lightswitch covers off the walls, then warned me out of the room. Because the boxes? Had roaches in them. HORJ.

When my FIL bought this building in the 1980s, he and his partner wound up putting drywall on top of the existing badly damaged plaster and lathe walls so they could get tenants in as soon as possible. The drywall is still up, much of it damaged, and the woodwork and plaster trim looks oddly sunken as a result. Ultimately, we intend to do a gut rehab of the apartment (our flat, the upstairs flat, the front and back entryways and stairs). But I am cringing at the thought of opening up our walls. I envision them just being PACKED with seething masses of roaches that will, like, come boiling out of any openings we make. I mean, I have anxiety dreams about just that happening.

One of our plans for the kitchen, which has very little storage, involves cutting into a bedroom adjacent to the kitchen to carve out a little pantry space and microwave storage. I think that will be a bit of a test as to what’s living in our walls. Hopefully I will not be home when Nesko does the demo work.

The new paint in the kitchen really transforms the place. It’s so much brighter and fresher and warmer and I wish we could have taken care of this when we moved in. But we’ve been spread so thin with work and child raising and other home repairs and Nesko’s been fixing his car and helping his dad work on stuff that we just haven’t had the time or energy. I feel much more positive in the kitchen now. I hadn’t realized just how oppressive the atmosphere in there was, how much I dreaded going into that room, spending time in it. I’m wondering if the new paint will help my roach anxieties or not.

Anyway. If you’re wondering, those of you who know me, why I haven’t been sending you cookies and stuff… it’s because my kitchen freaks me out. If you’re worried about cookies I have sent you, don’t be– those were literally baked at someone else’s house. If you’re wondering why I don’t invite you over more often, or why I talk about having people over then don’t follow through, it’s because my kitchen embarrasses me.

Hopefully we’ll finally clear this situation up.



posted under crazybrain, home, life

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