Words, words, words, art.

The Blatherings Of A Blitherer

Hoarding and Purging


For those of you who don’t know me very well, I have some Hoarding tendencies.

I put “hoarding” with a capital H because it’s not just that I like getting stuff and keeping it near me. I feel safer and more complete when I’m surrounded by crap. This is an issue, I know. It’s especially an issue because we don’t have a huge amount of space, and all this crap collects dust and takes up real estate both physical and mental. Over the past few years, I’ve been paring down on a lot of our crap, which is often a challenge, because Nesko and I are both collectors and are both also completionists.

We also have smart phones that we can read electronic versions of books on, and a hard drive that can hold a lot of electronic books.

So I’ve been purging lately. I currently have 5 cloth grocery sacks full of books that I’m taking to the community center to donate for their next book drive. I sorted through my unmentionables and tossed out a bag full of underpants and pyjamas and socks that are unpleasant. I’m going to rifle through our closet again and toss things. I’m ordering CD/DVD wallets into which all of our CDs, DVDs, and game discs and booklets will be inserted, and all our jewel cases are going OUT THE DOOR.

And then there’s the garbage. Do I really need a giant teetering stack of small cardboard boxes? No. A garbage fall full of plastic grocery sacks? No. Stacks of grocery receipts from ten years ago? No. Homework from when I was in high school? No. So that’s going out the door, too. I managed to harvest a big bag of paper recycling just from my desk top. There are only so many used envelopes I need for note taking, you know?

It’s hard, physically and emotionally, but it’s also liberating.


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In which I make a joke, then get all gross on you.


Nesko watched “Captain America” the other day while I read a book, looking up only to comment on how crappy tiny-Steve-Rogers looked when standing/sitting next to a non-digitally altered person (because I am a jerk like that, but seriously, when they were in the taxi? He looked like a freakish child with a faintly blurred outline. WHAT. HOW. WHY. Fucking Darby O’Gill And The Little People did this better!) Anyway, at the end there’s an ad for the Avengers movie that’s coming out and Thor and Tony Stark were chillin’ and I’m all… you know, they probably have a special Avengers staff person whose entire job is to follow those two around and clean up their drunken messes. Stark’s a fun times alcoholic who could TOTALLY stop ANY TIME HE WANTED TO whoop just gonna go pee in this plant HA HA HA HA HA! FUN! BOOZE IS SO GREAT! And Thor is… a viking God. While we haven’t SEEN him wrestle pigs (yet) you know he’s gonna go there. Shining beacons of humanity, both of them! Actually, my very first thought was “Wow, what a sausage fest!”

Anyway, I’m putting the rest of this behind a cut because I’m going to talk about bugs and anxiety dreams now and I know that’s going to bother some of you.


Read the rest of this entry »

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Two Thumbs: A Summary Of My Life


What has two thumbs and had a full night’s sleep for the first time in a week?

This gal!

What has two thumbs and had a terrifying anxiety dream about a relatively slow paced, laid back job?

This gal!

What has two thumbs and would like to evict large parts of her attacking, self-defeating brain?

This gal!

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Continuing Tales Of Adventure


I do this thing with food that’s kind of weird, where I scrutinize it for mold. Especially bread. Since some bread mold looks like flour (white and powdery), and a lot of the bread I eat is dusted with flour, this means a lot of scrutiny. But I maintain CONSTANT VIGILANCE in the face of blue and green mold as well. And red mold. All mold, really. And lest you think I’m just unreasonably paranoid, this constant scrutiny often reveals actual mold. Either I’m just unlucky when it comes to getting moldy food, or else a lot of people are gulping mold and spoiled food down left, right, and center because they aren’t checking.

I wanted a piece of carrot cake last night. If you go to a restaurant and buy a piece of carrot cake, it costs about $3.99-4.99, on average. We were at the grocery store and I picked up a single layer carrot cake for $4.99. I got home, all pleased with myself, with big plans for eating that cake (on the couch while watching Iron Man II). So I get settled in, cake on my plate, fork and everything, and I take a bite. And it tastes good! No raisins, no pineapple, just a carroty taste and walnuts and the cream cheese frosting tastes like cream cheese and not grease. I fork off another bite and I notice a dark spot on the bottom of the cake.

Possibly it is a raisin, even though the cake doesn’t taste raisiny. Possibly it is mold.

I dissected the dark spot and sure enough, mold. Mold on a cake I had purchased THAT DAY. Mold on the bottom of the cake, which a less neurotic person would not have noticed. Mold in my food that I paid good money for.

Nesko confirmed the mold diagnosis, took the plate away, and came back to inform me that the cake’s sell-by date was October 30th. In other words, it was an expired (and moldy) cake that the grocery store was selling for full price.

My CONSTANT VIGILANCE saved us all from a belly full of mold, though. Now to try and convince the store to take the cake back. Luckily, I have nothing but free time so this should be totally easy to do.

(I made a commitment to myself to stop BUYING cookies and just MAKE them instead. Perhaps I should extend that to cakes etc. as well.)

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Another sleepless night.


I’m tired but can’t get to sleep.

I hate having insomnia.

I did, however, seize this chance to write a new Secret Chicago piece, so check it out.

I’m also working on an essay for a contest. It’s 1500 words, completing the thought “I never thought I’d…”

My first thought was “I never thought I’d utter the words “Don’t eat that, it’s no longer food!” ” and then talk about being a parent of a toddler. Then I thought that might be too trite and not inspiring enough, so I’m going to write about how I never thought I’d enjoy math but I had a (female) teacher who didn’t assume I couldn’t do math because I have a vagina, and who encouraged me to tutor other students in Geometry, and now I’m an adult and am tutoring other adult women in basic math so they can get their GEDs, go to college, improve their lives, etc and for the first time in their lives they feel that they CAN do math, they CAN understand it, they CAN use it… that they are smart and can get math things done even though they are lady-types and lady-types suck at math. Math is beautiful and elegant and I wish teachers had SHOWED ME that as a kid.

I might write the “no longer food” essay anyway and post it online someplace.

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I am having a problem leaving the house today.

What is the problem?

The problem is that I’m having a problem leaving the house today.

I have been very stressed out and on edge lately and could really use some actual real honest to goodness time off and I’m not likely to get that for a month at least. I need to leave the house to run errands and the door is very very very far away right now. Or something.

I don’t even know.


Last weekend was spent entirely doing stuff with Nesko’s family, and it was fun and I’m glad we did it, but it was not down time. This coming weekend will be jam packed with cleaning and painting and minor construction, and it’s going to be very very hot and very humid and there is so much to do and blah blah blah.

posted under crazybrain, life | Comments Off on Problems