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Jobs, jobs, jobs.

6 July, 2011 (10:25) | Chicago, work | By: Brigid

A little over a week ago, I worked as a Parade Marshal for Chicago’s Gay Pride Parade. I’d never been to the Pride parade before, and the floats and groups in the parade were AMAZING. Some of them made me cry, but I am a huge softy. It was a really hard job, and not one I’m eager to do again. There were too many people, and too many of them were drunk and belligerent. There were fist fights (although I didn’t witness any); people in apartments flanking the parade route threw glass bottles down onto the pavement (which was PACKED with people); someone in the parade was handing out cans of beer to people, including a minor; and the parade ended early because for some reason (miscommunication? general inconsideratenes?) a flood of people jumped the barricades and started walking down the middle of the street. I mean, I was stationed 2-3 blocks from the starting line and there were floats still lined up ready to go, and the street was filled with people. I don’t know if the human flood happened before or after the police tried to re-route the parade due to too many people being present.

Part of my job involved preventing people from jumping over the barricade and wandering into/crossing the street. People in the street is dangerous because at best it can hold up the parade because there’s a bunch of people in the street. At worse, it’s dangerous because vehicles pulling heavy parade floats can’t stop very quickly and a slow moving car that crashes into a person hurts an awful lot. I spent a lot of time running up an down the street yelling at people to get off the barricade, to get behind the barricade, etc. One woman drunkenly slurred out the query of whether or not I was aware my job was to be “a complete buzz kill bitch.” I think she may have been trying to insult me, but seriously, that was my job in a nutshell. I mean, do you have ANY IDEA how hard it is to find a job where you’re paid to be a complete buzz kill bitch? Very hard! Yet I managed to find one. Go me! Anyway, it kind of boggles my mind that telling someone they can’t wander in front of a multi-ton float is enough to kill their buzz. You are at the fucking Pride parade! How are you not having fun?

I made poor decisions while leaving that morning, and those poor decisions resulted in an incredibly horrific sunburn on my face, arms, and scalp.  I haven’t had a burn this bad since… 1999?… when I was working landscaping and lost touch with reality and decided to work a full day in the beating sun with no sunscreen, no hat, and a tank top. I got blisters the size of quarters and should have gone to the hospital but didn’t. My back and shoulders are now covered with like reverse freckles, little spots of absolute white, with no pigment. It was foolish of me. I thought I’d learned my lesson, but apparently I didn’t! A week and a half later and I am still suffering. This too, however, shall pass. Assuming I don’t get melanoma cancer, a cancer that runs on both sides of my family.

I’m currently working a 2-month full-time gig at an institution I’ve worked at before, but in a different department than I’ve worked out. I am, once again, a place holder until a real full time employee can be found. Which means I’m getting paid to sit around and not do much. I answer the phone here and there, I helped a student worker organize the supply cabinet, but other than that? I’m playing with Google+ and getting some writing done. The first few days, actually, were utterly terrible because I had no computer and spent 8 hour shifts reading books. Which, you know, if you said “Brigid, how’d you like to spend 8 hours a day getting paid to read books?” I’d jump at that. But oh my LANDS it was so stultifying. I kept checking the time, thinking half an hour had passed, to find only five minutes had. Maybe if I had a comfortable chair it would have been different, I don’t know.

I’m in some serious trouble, though, because there’s a cafe on the first floor and they sell fancy coffee drinks. DUN. DUN. DUNNNNNNNNN.

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Blog post copyright Brigid Keely Barjaktarevic. Originally posted at Words Words Words Art. If you enjoy this blog, check out my parenting blog at Now Showing!.

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Culture of Fear

12 May, 2011 (05:00) | feminism, life | By: Brigid

“The Culture of Fear” is a phrase you might hear if you venture in Feminist circles. Basically, it’s the way (White) girls/women are taught to be afraid of everything, because no matter what they do, if they get raped it’s their fault. They shouldn’t have been alone, they shouldn’t have been wearing THAT, they shouldn’t have done X or talked to Y or visited Z or worn their hair THAT WAY. Don’t they know that anything a woman does hornies up a man’s blood and he’s just to rape his way out of the situation? So women don’t talk to strange men, walk with their keys between their fingers, forward idiotic emails about the dangers of pony tails and overalls and elevators, etc. And some women, you prompt them and they start reeling off all the stuff they do to feel safe and it’s a list that just goes on and on and on. Because rape? It’s a real threat to most women, as is sexual harassment and assault.

The vast majority of women I know have been harassed or assaulted.

But, if you ask me “Brigid, do you live in fear?” I’d say “no.” And then I’d clarify that I am terrified of many things, including the hand of God reaching down from the sky to crush me, because I have an Anxiety Disorder, but that’s not really connected with, you know, The Culture Of Fear.

But I do live in Fear.

I was at the park with my kid the other day. He’s two. There were a bunch of young men playing basket ball near by, and they were throwing the ball around a little wildly so it was flying over near the other kids and the adults with the kids, and they were cussing. A lot. Loudly. And most of the parents kept giving them looks like “oh, hey, ok, ha ha, knock it off, ok?” and measuring glances like maybe they should just go. The only one who actually said anything was a guy who told them to knock it off around the kids. He was young, way younger than me, and like me he was shorter than the ballers.

But he stood up and told them off, told them to be respectful around the kids, to watch their language. And the guys quieted down, apologized, kept it clean for awhile until they forgot again.

None of the women spoke up. None of us.

Because we all know very well what happens when a woman calls a strange dude out for being a douche bag.

SPOILER: It’s generally not good.

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Blog post copyright Brigid Keely Barjaktarevic. Originally posted at Words Words Words Art. If you enjoy this blog, check out my parenting blog at Now Showing!.

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I took a step back, and wound up in 1996.

11 May, 2011 (18:59) | Chicago, life, midwest, stuff | By: Brigid

My headphones have been slowly dying, a wire lose from being bent too often. I was listening to my mp3 player today while walking to tutoring, and the sound quality was terrible. I could get the lead guitar and drums of “Me First and the Gimme Gimmes” really well, but everything else? Almost inaudible. The singer was distant, faint, sometimes sounding underwater.

And for a brief moment, I was back in high school, listening to bootleg cassette tapes, or listening to a live band with poorly mixed sound, the vocalist drowned out. Do you remember cassette tapes? How if you listened to them enough the tape would start wearing thin, and you’d sometimes hear a bit of music from the other side? The tinny chipmunk skirl as you fast forwarded? The heavy click and pop as you ejected the tape? Did you ever tape things from the radio, finger poised over the “play” and “record” buttons, trying to get the timing just right? Mix CDs just never felt the same as mix tapes.

Walking back home, I passed a clutch of kids skateboarding on their high school’s cement steps. I remember when nobody in the midwest skated, when skate shops were far and few between, skate magazines a window to some exotic wonderful culture… to freedom.

Sometimes I feel old; other times I feel caught in time. I don’t want to go back to my youth, but it’s nice to reach out sometimes and brush my fingers gently against it.

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Blog post copyright Brigid Keely Barjaktarevic. Originally posted at Words Words Words Art. If you enjoy this blog, check out my parenting blog at Now Showing!.

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If I had a million dollars…

21 April, 2011 (12:31) | blogging, stuff | By: Brigid

Let’s play a hypothetical game.

You find a bag on your lawn or in your hallway or something. Inside is bundles of cash totaling about a million dollars. They don’t seem to be marked.

What do you do?

Do you call the police or take out an ad asking for someone to claim the money?

Do you contact the IRS to claim/pay taxes on your windfall?

Do you keep it secret?

If you keep it secret, what do you do? How do you spend it without attracting attention to yourself? How do you keep your money safe? How do you keep YOURSELF safe?

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Blog post copyright Brigid Keely Barjaktarevic. Originally posted at Words Words Words Art. If you enjoy this blog, check out my parenting blog at Now Showing!.

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If I could set things on fire with my mind right now, I would.

16 April, 2011 (20:39) | Uncategorized | By: Brigid

For those of you who don’t know, I like to cook, and I’m pretty decent at it. I have a stack of increasingly gross, damp, sticky, flour-y printed-out recipes on my counter, and I wanted to put together a nice binder with my most frequently used and favorite recipes in it… including my mom’s spanikopita recipe, handed down to her from a woman from Greece.

I’ve spent the last damn half hour trying to print a cover for the binder.

I’m fairly certain the problem is my printer, which is an HP Photosmart Plus. Every single time –every. single. time.– I try to print something, I run into a fun new problem. Like, it won’t print PDFs. Or, it kind of will, but only half way, and there’s like a random stripe that it won’t print. What’s that you say? Update my drivers? Ha ha ha! It is to laugh! OF COURSE I HAVE.

I can’t leave it plugged in via USB cord, because if I turn off my computer and turn it on again, the computer tries to boot from the USB! If my computer goes to sleep while the printer’s plugged in, my keyboard stops working! Isn’t that fun and great and fantastic?

Frequently, when I try to print, it prints nothing but the first 1/3 of an inch of the page. Or just gibberish.

And apparently, it won’t print images. Or, rather, it will, but only in some arbitrary small size. The printer automatically resizes images to fit onto small photo paper despite the dimensions the actual image actually has, and there seems to be no way to over ride this.

Isn’t that great? Isn’t that useful? Isn’t that exactly not what I want to do?

I tried printing via email, and the size was correct, but it would ONLY print on photo paper which means I wasted a photo paper (why don’t I just set some money on fire?). When we removed all the photo paper, it wouldn’t print at all. Ha ha ha ha ha! Why on EARTH would ANYONE want to print a .jpg on ordinary paper? That’s just TERRIBLY HILARIOUS, isn’t it? I’m laughing so hard at the idea I’m about to puke!

And the best thing, the absolute best thing, about this printer? You’ll like this. No, you’ll love this. I know I do! It has a scanner built into it. And if it runs out of ink or the ink expires? You can’t use the printer at all for anything! Including to scan, a function which requires no ink at all!

Isn’t that great?

Wow! I’m so glad this piece of “technology” came into my life!

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Blog post copyright Brigid Keely Barjaktarevic. Originally posted at Words Words Words Art. If you enjoy this blog, check out my parenting blog at Now Showing!.

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I get migraines

14 April, 2011 (23:14) | health | By: Brigid

I get migraines, sometimes.

They usually aren’t too bad– a sudden and searing whiplash of pain through my brainmeats, sometimes painful enough to literally stagger me, a LOT of visual stuff, and then it’s gone. They usually only last a few minutes, I rarely have confusion or nausea or anything lingering afterward. Lucky, right?

Except Tuesday evening my head started hurting. I lay down for bed with Niko and it just hurt worse and worse and worse, too badly to sleep. I took Excedrin with a coke and stayed up for a bit until it abated enough for me to go to sleep, slept in a bit the next morning, and spent the day stumbling around with nausea, mild aphasia, and an attack of the clumsies. And a sick headache that eventually ebbed around 10pm.

I haven’t had a bad headache for that long since 2004, when one stressful evening I retired to a dark bedroom with frozen peas draped over my eyes.

It’s coming back, like a bunch of stiletto blades jamming into my forehead, and I can smell this artificial, powdery, fake-candle chemical type smell everywhere. It’s like it’s clinging to me. Either it’s causing the headache (and yes, some smells, especially chemical perfume smells and stargazer lillies, can cause blinding headaches) or the sensation of smelling it is being caused by the headache. I’m not sure which, but it’s kind of creepy.

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Blog post copyright Brigid Keely Barjaktarevic. Originally posted at Words Words Words Art. If you enjoy this blog, check out my parenting blog at Now Showing!.

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Brave new opportunities

7 April, 2011 (21:30) | life, Nesko | By: Brigid

I volunteer at the Albany Park Community Center, working with Adult Basic Education (ABE) Math students.

I noticed a flyer on the wall for a woodworking/CNC operator training program. It’s open to Chicago residents who fit certain income parameters and want to go into a career woodworking/CNC operating, offers tuition assistance, and has like 90% job placement upon completion of the 12 week program.

It took several weeks of phone tag, but Nesko finally got hold of the place and went to orientation on Wednesday. Where he found out that the program starts next Monday. Which, you know, is too soon for him to join because he currently has a job and we don’t have enough money to tide us over for him not working for 3 months. He spoke with someone at the program, though, who said that with Nesko’s background and experience and skills he should have no problem 1) being accepted to the program 2) getting full financial assistance (which just covers tuition, not living expenses) and 3) getting a job after. So he’s going to call again in July to get Orientated and start the program at its next session in September.

Which means we have about 5 months to work something out regarding stockpiling 3+ months of living expenses, maybe working out something with his current job where he works only late afternoons/evenings, me getting a job, etc. I mean, I’ve been looking for a job for months now. But a friend of mine offered to mind Niko while I’m working, as long as SHE isn’t working, so… that frees me up quite a bit. At the very least, it gives us some time to get some cash banked so we can enroll Niko in day care while waiting for an application for subsidized daycare to be processed.

I’m still looking for a permanent position, but I called my temp agency for the first time in months to get back on their rolls.

I’m tentatively excited about everything going on… me working outside the home, Nesko starting training for something that would be a CAREER (and that, frankly, he’s been talking about doing since 1997, which is when I met him, which means he’s been considering it for even longer) and not just a job.

We’re due for a nice tax refund which should arrive in May-ish. We have more places to put that money than actual money, but at this point, we’re planning on just putting it aside for the three months he (probably) won’t be working, while he’s training. We’ll have THAT if nothing else.

Wish us luck on sorting out this financial situation. We need to get things squared away before he can even consider the program. There’s no way we can live on air for 3 months while he’s not pulling in an income.

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Blog post copyright Brigid Keely Barjaktarevic. Originally posted at Words Words Words Art. If you enjoy this blog, check out my parenting blog at Now Showing!.

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When you think you’re saying what everyone’s thinking…

29 March, 2011 (00:57) | Uncategorized | By: Brigid

This is just a reminder than when you THINK you’re “just saying what everyone’s thinking,” you’re probably only saying what people like you are thinking. Which, if you’re in the majority and/or a position of authority, means that the people surrounding you are thinking it, saying it, doing it, and passing laws about it. And “it,” whatever “it” is, is very possibly hurting other people.

And sometimes what you think everyone else is thinking is thrust into an audience larger than the one you normally surround yourself with, and you wind up with hostile reactions to your TOTALLY hilarious rants about women, Native Americans, Gay people, Asian/Pacific Islander students or whatever else, and you find that no, not everyone enjoys spreading around harmful stereotypes and hate.

So, you know. Maybe think about what you’re doing and whether your totally hip and edgy humor is actually challenging anything or just rehashing the same old crap and actively doing harm to people who aren’t you.

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Blog post copyright Brigid Keely Barjaktarevic. Originally posted at Words Words Words Art. If you enjoy this blog, check out my parenting blog at Now Showing!.

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Want an iPad 2? Win an iPad 2.

23 March, 2011 (19:39) | advertising | By: Brigid

I’m posting this to enter a contest offered by Brad’s Deals at Sweetney! I want to win the white iPad 2! You can enter here.

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Blog post copyright Brigid Keely Barjaktarevic. Originally posted at Words Words Words Art. If you enjoy this blog, check out my parenting blog at Now Showing!.

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Is anyone attending Be-All 2011?

17 February, 2011 (20:10) | body issues, Chicago, GQ/Trans*, health | By: Brigid

For my GQ/Trans* friends, are any of you attending Be-All 2011? A friend of mine mentioned it to me, and then I mentioned it to a few other people and none of them have heard of it, so here’s a heads up if you’re unfamiliar with it.

Here are the Seminars, Vendors, and Registration Info. Like most conventions it costs money. They have Scholarships which one can apply for. A lot of the seminars look REALLY fascinating and informative.

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Blog post copyright Brigid Keely Barjaktarevic. Originally posted at Words Words Words Art. If you enjoy this blog, check out my parenting blog at Now Showing!.

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